The Psychonaut

The tea usually takes thirty minutes to take effect, but this time it took five, and Max knew he had botched it. Just a couple days prior the mushrooms arrived at his house. He ordered two different strains of psilocybin mushrooms online, and they arrived on the same day. The first strain is known as Golden Teachers, named after their golden coloured caps, and slender stem. Max has had a heroic dose of these mushrooms before; they are subtle and far less potent than the second strain… Blue Meanie is one of the strongest psychoactive mushrooms, and Max figured he could save a buck by mixing them into the tea.

Exploring the depths of consciousness has always been one of Max’s interests, and after his first trip he needed to know if the rabbit hole had a bottom. His first trip was experienced with a seasoned veteran. He had eaten three point five grams of Golden Teachers with his friend Vinny… looking back at it now, three point five grams of Golden Teachers is nothing; an iota of mushrooms people take just to say they have tripped before. 

On his first trip, he was at Vinny’s apartment. It was less than five-hundred square feet, littered with posters of rock bands, and had only two rooms… the washroom and the open main room consisting of a kitchen with an island, a couch facing a TV, and a bed in the far corner. 

They both hovered around the island as Vinny reached into his roughed up back pack to pull out a large zip lock bag filled with Golden Teacher mushrooms. Vinny measured the mushrooms for both himself and for Max. A total of seven grams for the both of them. 

Max held the mushroom up to his eyes, examining it before he gently placed it into his mouth. They smelled awful and the taste was far worse, like that of the mold on a piece of bread.  He nearly gagged from the taste… It was after he swallowed all of them Vinny told him about the benefits of making shroom tea as opposed to eating the mushroom in its raw form. That being masking its foul flavor.

“Why did we not do that?” asked Max, trying his best to rinse the taste out of his mouth with water. 

“The mushrooms lose their potency when you do, and you have to use more of them to have the same effect.”

They waited about thirty minutes before that effect started to take place. The results of psilocybin come like waves; they hit hard, then retreat, then hit harder, and retreat a little less than before. When they reach their peak they wear off like watching a tide roll away slowly, and one is left with the comedown; wondering why they are the way that they are.  

“I think I feel it.”

“Same.” said Vinny casually. 

They both sat on his couch as Vinny played classic rock on his speaker, talking about anything and everything; from their relationships with the opposite sex, to earth's inevitable doom. 

It was while looking at the TV on the wall did Max learn reality is not set in stone. He stared into his darkened reflection in the black screen, as the TV’s edges swayed like branches in the wind. He could see what was behind the TV as it wiggled like jello from side to side. There was a large dent on the wall behind the TV that he should not have been able to see. 

“This is crazy!” said Max, mesmerized by the wall behind the TV.

“What is?”

“When the TV moves I can see what’s behind it!”

“That's mushrooms for you.” said Vinny with a laugh.

“How is this possible?”

“A lot of what we perceive is filtered by the brain… Mushrooms remove that filter.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you ever seen one of those black and white optical illusions that look like they are in colour?”

“I think so.”

“Well a lot of what we know to be real is just the brain filling in the blanks… my best guess is that mushrooms allow you to see those blank spots.” 

“We should have taken more.”

“Bigger trips are best done alone.”

“Why is that?”

“Because we are all on our own journey man… also they are completely debilitating, my last ten gram trip left me bedridden for a whole day.”

“Why?”

“They make you sleepy.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know man, I'm not a doctor, I am just a guy who likes to trip.”

“Fair enough.” 

He would leave that trip wanting to do more.  His second trip was a heroic dose of Golden Teachers he bought off Vinny… a total of five grams, done alone in the confinement of his city apartment. It was far nicer than Vinny’s and had a view of the sun when it set. Again it took thirty minutes to take effect. His stomach was turning and he was in a cool sweat. This time the effects were far stronger. However, it was not enough to break through reality’s veil… he was so close; like wanting to take off into the unknown. Sacred geometry painted even the air in three dimensions, like prismatic structure etched into the fabric of reality. It was so real, the geometry did not move when he did, staying perfectly in its space. 

Mushrooms have a mind of their own… he noticed whenever ego took over his thoughts the geometry would disappear… and whenever he was egoless they would re-appear. Whenever they did his ego would take over, applauding the fact that he did not have one; the waves of psilocybin came and went… this time with the playfulness of a child. 

On a day he took almost too many, he could not stomach its flavour any longer. He would make the tea for the first time. He filled a pot with water, and waited for it to boil. As he waited he grinded eight measured grams of Golden Teachers into dust. He was too comfortable with this strain of mushroom, and wanted a breakthrough trip, knowing making the tea causes loss in the mushrooms potency. Once the water was bubbling he poured the dust of dried mushrooms into the water. Leaving it on boil for thirty minutes, extracting nearly all the psilocybin. He then added a spoonful of honey, herbal teas, and sugar. Leaving it to simmer for another fifteen minutes. When it was ready, he took a coffee filter and placed it into a strainer; pouring the hot tea over it, watching the thin brown liquid drip into a large cup.

The tea tasted far better, and he would drink all of it. It also did not upset his stomach. It took effect slightly faster as well. This trip was very similar to the five gram one: just under a breakthrough, and grazing the access into another dimension. By the time of this trip he had developed a method to his madness. Just after he finished the tea he had set a timer of twelve hours… far more time than he needed to measure how long he would be tripping for. He figured if the trip went south he could always stare at the time, seeing how much longer in hell he would be spending. Time is a fixed measurement after all… so he thought. 

On the day he took too many, the tea took five minutes to take effect, and his heart started to race. So confident in his ability to come out unscathed he didn’t even measure the mushrooms. He took a handful of Golden Teachers, and a palm full of Blue Meanie, and chopped them into dust, following the same recipe he used before. It was his first time taking Blue Meanie but when the tea was ready it tasted the same as before. He would drink all of it and set his timer for twelve hours. Waiting for it to take effect laying on his bed it did rather quickly, seeing the same sacred geometry in three dimensions he checked his timer. It flickered more rapidly than his beating heart between 11:55 and ∞… until the number on the timer was just ∞.  He had taken too many and was on his way into another dimension, where time had no meaning. It was a breakthrough trip that made sober reality feel like a dream; where death is the awakening into where he was heading now… the wave would not retreat, and the effects of this trip were comparable to a tsunami.

  The sacred geometry in the air consumed his vision until the background faded into white, and it was all he could see. The geometry was in colours even he had not seen before, and they danced like looking into a kaleidoscope. Worst yet he was not alone. The presence of a higher being was apparent in the same way one knows that if they drop something it will fall without having to actually drop it. 

Max was not ready for something like this, and had pushed his obsession with consciousness too far… so he thought. Every essence of his being in its full entirety was beyond scared, as the geometry shifted into the shape of The Entity. Its skin was made of infinite fractals swirling around, and it had several faces all on the same head. Light emulated from all its form; it took the form of a beautiful woman similar to that of a Hindu God. 

Max was left speechless… and frightened. She soothed his angst with a hymn in a language unfamiliar to Max. It struck him harder when he interrupted the hymn in the same language. Their conversation roughly translated to:

“What are you?” said Max in a language that was becoming more familiar. 

“How did you get here?” She said knowing the answer.

“Am I not supposed to be here?”

“Not yet, no.”

“What is this place?”

“It is the time between now.”  

“What time is that?”

“There is none.” she said ecstatically. 

“Then how am I here?”

“Before time you were… after time you will be.” she said as if Max should have known the answer.

“Then why do I reside on earth?”

“You don’t in the time between now.” 

“What about my family and friends? I have a life.”

“In the time between now you are.” she said with a hypnotic laugh.

It was one of the funniest things Max has ever heard. His soul was laughing, it knew where it was; the longer it stayed with her the more he remembered. 

“I remember.”

“Remember what?” she said knowing the answer.

“You.”

She was flattered, fractal cheeks turned red on all faces… the faces melted into one, bringing new meaning to beauty… but beauty is false; like that which does not fulfill the spirit. Unlike life, lived to its fullest with meaningful connection.  

“Would you like to go back? You can always go back there.” she said, turning a shade of melancholia as if someone had robbed her of the thing she had missed.

“I think I would.”

“Were you the one on your bed or the one on the couch?” she said as two portals opened. The one to the right was of Max laying on his bed, and the one to the left was of Max on his couch.

“I can’t remember?”

“Well pick one if you want to go back.”

Max would pick the one where he was on the couch by mistake. Only to realize it was a mistake when he woke up on the couch remembering that he was on his bed before the trip. He checked his time on the phone and there were three hours left… Just as fast as the trip came on, so did retreat. He stood up examining his made bed, with no signs of someone laying on it. He didn’t care too much about it, the comedown was just as strong as the trip, and he nestled under his covers to sleep it off. It took more than a day to.

As the days passed, it would eat at him… not knowing if he was in the right universe or not.  Everything was the same other than the fact he awoke on his couch. He didn’t know what was real anymore… did it make a difference if his friends were the ones from his universe or not, so to speak. He would swear off mushrooms for a while… until things started to get weird again.

One night while he was asleep, he had a vivid dream… The Entity was in it, longing for his return. She waved in a gesture to him in a thin white gown with sleeves dangling below her hands.

“How did you get here?” asked Max.

“Am I not supposed to be here?” she asked waggishly. 

“No, you are not real.”

“I am as real as anything else.” she said, offended.

“How can I know if you are real?”

“The time is now?” she said cryptically.

“I don’t understand…” said Max as she waved her arms to gesture at his departure. His eyes slowly opened to the view of his apartment ceiling. He was awake, glad that his dream was nothing more than that of a dream. 

“The time is now.” he muttered to himself at the absurdity. It made no sense, and he figured that was because tripping had no meaning… it must have been his subconscious replaying a traumatizing event.  

He needed to decompress from the experience, and figured he best meet up with Vinny to make sense of it… Vinny has claimed to meet entities before, and he was seemingly normal after having done so. He would take the city transit over to Vinny’s apartment, replaying the dream in his head. The bus had stopped and when he had got out he noticed graffiti on Vinny’s building. It read: The time is now. He stood in a daze for several minutes looking at the graffiti. Shrugging it off as mere coincidence to hold onto his thin grasps on reality.  

Vinny would buzz him into the apartment building, and he took the stairs to his floor, knocking three times on his door.  Vinny opened that door wearing a bathrobe midday on a thursday. 

“Come on in, brother,” said Vinny warmly.

“Thank you… I really need to talk to you about something.”

“What can I do for you?”

“I think I took too much shrooms, man.”

“Well are you breathing right now?”

“Yes…”

“Then you haven’t taken too much.”

“Bro I am being serious.”

“I am too… life is good man, just breathe… It's way better than not breathing.”

Max would take several deep breaths as he was welcomed into Vinny’s apartment. 

“There was this entity man,” said Max, losing his breath.

“So… that stuff does happen when you take a lot.”

“It was so real.”

“What happened?”

Max would tell him about the time before now, how he remembered it, and how he remembered The Entity… he would also tell him about waking up on the couch opposed to his bed, his dream, and the graffiti. 

“Man, that sounds fucking awesome! what's the problem again?” 

“Am I in the right universe? Is this thing real? What is real?” said Max with concern.

“I don’t know man,” said Vinny casually. 

“That's all you got for me?” said Max with a hint of anger.

“Bro… nothing is that serious, who cares if it's real or not?”

“I do.”

“Look at your hands bro.”

“Why?”

“Just look at them.”

Max would do as instructed gazing at his hands… Vinny would do the same.

“You know how weird this is?”

“No… I am just looking at my hands.”

“Bro… you have hands… what the fuck are hands? It's like there are branches growing out of our palms and we call those branches fingers.”

“What's your point?”

“Everything is weird as fuck when you look too deep into it… just enjoy the trip we call life man.”

“That's a very fair point.” Max said, still looking at his hands. As they fell into a still silence.

“... Want to trip?” asked Vinny.

“... fuck it. Why not?”